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243oz of Liquid and I'm Still Thirsty

I began writing this post late last week under the influence of cold medicine and a multi-hour binge watching session of Criminal Minds. At the time, I wasn’t sure if what I was writing was funny, decipherable, or even English, so I decided to come back to it once I was feeling better. A few hours turned into a few days, and now here I am, completely cured and trying to remember what was happening in my head that day. Instead of deleting the golden words that flowed from my sickly fingertips, I decided that I will now share with you the nonsensical shenanigans that I began last week.

Here is a list of things that I've taken for granted in the last week:

1. Being able to breathe through my nose

2. Sleeping with my mouth closed

3. Being hydrated to a comfortable level

4. Having a schedule that allows me to sleep in

5. Wanting to eat solid foods

6. Walking up a flight of stairs without getting winded

7. Leaving my apartment

That's right, folks, Catie's Annual Cold is in full swing and as excepted, it's not fun. As the title suggests, I have water and tea readily available and all the chicken soup you could ever want. I've also been on cold medicine for three days and want to apologize in advance for a rambling post. I started to feel the familiar itch of dry throat on Saturday and immediately started spraying Zicam all over my mouth (great mint flavor if you, too, hate artificial orange flavorings). Unfortunately, I continued to make poor decisions for the rest of the day and forgot to continue my regular doses (thanks Lauren), but I think that I caught it in time. Sure, it felt like someone was aggressively scraping sand paper down my throat with every breath and yeah, I got light headed every time I stood up too fast, but I'm already starting to feel better. So much so that I decided to treat myself (or punish myself depending on how you look at it) with a nice big salad from Whole Foods' salad bar. You would be surprised at how fast West O moms can run at the sound of one sniffle or the sight of one red, watery eye. The store cleared behind my bleary eyes, which was great for me, but probably not the highlight of their days. Sick people need their vitamins and minerals, too, and I hand sanitized before I walked into the store so stop judging me.

My mother would probably tell you that being around me when I'm sick is nightmare because it's like being around a crabby 5-year-old, except the 5-year-old has a cell phone and knows how to call and text repeatedly until answered. It's not my fault that I love my mother and that she makes the best chicken noodle soup. It's also not my fault that she still thinks I'm pretty even with puffy eyes, a red nose, and goo perpetually dripping down my face. To my surprise, however, I really haven't been that much of a nuisance (at least I don’t think so but mom could have a completely different view????). In fact, I've been pretty energized and keeping myself busy. This comes to my cat's dismay. Winnie didn't really realize that me leaving the house was a good thing because it means that I probably went to go do something that would make me calm and tired. Sorry, Winnie, but this is karma for all the times you've woken me up at ungodly hours to play. For the first time in her short life, my little fur ball is tired of playing. Never thought I'd see the day.

I won't pretend that I haven't been laying in bed binge watching Criminal Minds for a better part of the last three days. I also won't lie about waking up at 8:30 in the morning yesterday and watching the most recent episode of The Walking Dead before going back to sleep. In between watching brutally violent television and dreaming about my cat's plans to murder me, I found time to really clean my apartment.

As you can see, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t continue on. After being miraculously healed in less than a week (seriously, when I’m sick, I’m down for at least two weeks), I now find myself sipping upon a chilled Strawberry Serenity kombucha from Whole Foods. Do I feel serene? Not particularly, no, but I do have a fun fact about kombucha for all of you. DID YOU KNOW that chugging this fermented vinegar drink can make you tipsy? I found that out on my way to my first acupuncture session in over a week. I will say that it definitely helped me relax during the needling process, which surprisingly hurt quite a bit. I guess that being sick built up an excess amount of chi that was begging to be released.

On my road to total health, I’ve decided to try a little kombucha experiment. Because we are professional scientists here, the first step in the Scientific Method is to ask a question. Here are the 5 burning questions that have kept my anxious mind awake the last few days: Do people drink kombucha for fun? Do they feel enlightened and serene after guzzling this acidic beverage? How are their teeth? Is the lining of their stomach free from large pores that lead to leaky gut? What happens when you drink it every day for a week?

Upon my background research, which is the second step in the SM, I have found that kombucha does help with leaky gut, but so far I have yet to find answers to the more important questions about teeth and enlightenment. Based upon my very small amount of experience, I would guess that enlightenment in this case is equal to tipsiness, but then again maybe tipsiness is the key to happiness? Probably not, I’m sorry I suggested that, mom, I love you and please don’t think that. I’m not on a downward spiral.

To continue with our fourth step, we must create a hypothesis. I’m guessing that after seven days of drinking kombucha, I will have more energy and pep in my step. I may also feel like doing yoga and becoming a vegan. I’m interested to see how this plays out. I’ve never understood the hype around this. But I’m willing to try it and promise to write an update with all the bubbly details.

Anyway, since I just can’t say this word enough in this post, here it comes again:


Is it even a real word?

Until then, be well, try drinking some fermented vinegar, and go watch Criminal Minds so I have more people to discuss it with.

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